As I sit back and enjoy a birthday pedicure while my husband watches the kids it seems the perfect time to write this marriage post ive been wanting to write for a while. I have been married (once, to the same man) for 7 1/2 years. In this day and age this is a very long time. Weve been married longer then most celebrities, all our peers, even a lot of our family. Why cant people stay married anymore? I dont have all the answers. But I do know ive been through it all in life, literally every horrible thing. But my marriage is solid, thats one area I have never once struggled in. People often come to me for marriage advice and it still takes me completely off guard because I feel so young and inexperienced but I am happy to share what works for us.
In my opinion marraige comes down to one very simple but very serious decision, which is, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, THIS IS MY HUSBAND FOR LIFE. Now I know this is in the vows but people arent honoring it and to me its the most important aspect of marriage. My marriage works because my husband and I make it work. Shit aint easy. Just because my marriage is good as has lasted doesnt mean its been easy or without its set of trials cuz trust me when I say my husband and I have been through every trial and test there possibly is between poverty, homelessness, mental illness, hospitalizations, children with special needs, and much more where that came from. But like I said no matter what happens or what my husband put me though (not claiming that im perfect either) I made the decision that hes my man and im standing by him NO MATTER WHAT!! No really, no matter what yall! When you 100% commit to this decision that you are in this for life, that is your answer to any trial you face. This is hard, very hard, but this is my man and we will get through this.
I picked a good one. A lot of it is the luck of the draw. I no longer believe God set him aside for me or anything but I do believe in soul mates and I definitely know hes mine. We compliment eachother perfectly and fill in every area eachother lacks. I just happened to pick a good one and the man you pick has absolutely everything to do with how your marriage will turn out. He was good to begin with, I didnt turn him good (its impossible ladies, sorry) I never needed to or wanted to change him, hes a good man. Hes the kind of man that has my back, hes my ride or die, by my side, will fight with me or for me in any and every thing. He supported my dream to stay home with kids since day one. He sacrifices so much and works so damn hard to make this life happen for us. And hes not the type of man that comes home and asks what I did all day, no, hes the type of man that compliments the house and wants to make sure I took the time to rest or nap that day. He compliments me constantly and I know with all my heart he means it. He makes me feel so good about myself, and let me tell you that is not an easy feat! He has always supported and happily got on board with anything and everything that was important to me no matter how crazy or how tough it was. Like anti circumcision, anti vaccine, extended breastfeeding-on demand, co sleeping, etc. He wants me to have the best of everything. He takes the crappy car and gives me the nice, reliable one. He takes the $5 for lunch and leaves me the $20, you get the idea. He loves and accepts me for who I am, he knows im damaged, he takes extra good care of me. He knows ive been through a lot and knows how to protect and take care of me, he knows which bathrooms I dont want to go in alone so he will find a different one or call in to me, babe, are you okay? Once I go in and take a peek. He would spend every second of the day with me if he could and I would him and we genuinely never get tired of eachother and thats because we are meant to be. He pampers me, surprises me, comforts me, worships me, as your man should. And in return I love him more than words could ever express. I love that man more then I ever thought humanly possible yall. Id like to think im a damn good wife, I try every second of every day and I never feel good enough, so I try harder, and I have to accept thats all I can do.
We talk shit out. Thats my only other tip. And my tips are so simple yet so incredibly difficult at the same time. These are my tips to an amazing marraige. We talk, and talk, and talk some more. We dont fight, we talk, and even if we do “fight” its for 2 seconds and then we immediately talk it out. I dont keep anything from him, I can and do talk to him about absolutely anything and same goes for him. Im not going to go through any feeling in life alone, good or bad im going to talk to him. If hes hurt me, hes going to know about it and we will talk until im no longer hurt, even if it takes hours or days. Same goes if were angry, jealous, stressed, and every thing else. Im not going to hold onto a problem or issue and not talk to him about it, thats not going to happen, that shit is getting worked out immediately and this is incredibly important. Other then that we spend tons and tons of quality time talking to eachother. There is one night a week where we watch seperate tvs cuz mama needs her bravo tv night but every other night were watching shows we both enjoy, talking, and laughing together. We talk about eachothers day in great detail and thats because we genuinely care to hear it. You would never catch us on a date with our smart phones, dates are phone free zones. We are looking eachother in the eyes, having conversation. We talk all day, every day, every break he gets from work, he checks in, everywhere we go we check in, let the other know we arrived safely, etc. We talk yall, and you should too.
I love that man, he is perfect for me in every way shape and form. Hes hands down the best thing thats ever happened to me in my life. I am thankful every day for him! He is the most important person in the world to me, hes my everything and he knows that because thats the way I treat him. And dont anyone try to read this and steal him either, go find your own. This mama dont play. 8 1/2 years and many many more to come. I am such a lucky woman!!!